On the latest episode of the hit reality show The Real Idols Of America Got Voices, the whole world held its breath, then quietly vomited in their mouths, when Jerry Burgle took the stage. At 450lbs and with a face that only a mother could use to fend off wild animals, everyone naturally assumed that Jerry was there to commit suicide on live television after accidentally catching a glimpse of himself in a puddle of grease that was also his breakfast that morning. But then the man-o-lard started to sing.
The late Queen frontman Freddie Mercury is widely recognized as one of the greatest vocalists in history. But that’s not all he was. According to international research from Slovenia, Vanuatu, and Angola, Freddie Mercury’s vocal range surpassed that of ordinary humans, allowing him to hurl loud, incoherent insults at squirrels unlike any other person in history.