Startup Pitches That Almost Got Me Kicked Out Of Silicon Valley

If there’s one thing that everyone knows about Silicon Valley, it’s that Elon Musk rubs his penis on the door-handle of every Tesla that comes off his assembly line. If there are two things, it’s that there is no such thing as a stupid idea down in Sili-Vay, as nobody calls it. The entire place has been built on the principle of innovation and thinking outside the box, where notions of all kind are welcomed. I know that because I still haven’t been kicked out of there despite my NUMEROUS attempts to test Silicon Valley’s patience. These are just some of the startup pitches that helped me do it:

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Five Office Hacks To Make Your Coworkers Hate You

Work. It’s a pretty great place to get paid for pooping outside of a German porn video, but what makes it unbearable are all the people there. “Hate” is a strong word, which is why it’s perfect for describing what you feel for all your coworkers. If only there was a way to get everyone there to just leave you the fuck alone. Actually, it turns out there are FIVE of them:

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