Vaccination is one of the most controversial topics of the modern age. Everyone, from scientists with centuries of experience and research behind them to your hot yoga instructor who believes daily showers ruin your aura, seems to have an opinion on vaccines. It’s literally impossible to tell who is right here. Or is it? Think about: has a scientist ever “found himself” during a deeply spiritual climb to the top of Kilimanjaro? How many Buddhist prayer beads do you think your doctor owns? If that’s not enough to make you reconsider vaccines for your kids, then maybe these legitimate, well thought-out arguments will:
A child is one of the most joyous gifts a person can ever receive. It fills you with so much light and happiness that it’s perfectly natural to want to express it by telling your kid that you love them so much. But what if you make it weird? What if they weren’t ready to say it back or even hear it? Great, now the entire house is awkward. Oh everything seems normal on the surface but you see how your child can’t even look you in the eyes as it pisses on you while you change its diaper. That’s because you jumped the gun there, bucko. Here’s what you could have done instead.
Dear young people in the last year of their 20s: it’s going to be alright. I know things might be looking a bit scary right now, but your 30s are nothing to be afraid of. You will just have to get used to a few new things. Like cauliflower. Mainly cauliflower. Actually, it’s pretty much just cauliflower. It’s soon going to be the only thing in your life. Rice? That’s out, cauliflower is in. Mashed potatoes? Oh, did you mean mashed cauliflower? No? Well you’re still getting it. But it won’t end there.
Homeownership is the quintessential part of the American dream. It’s not just a purchase or an investment. It’s a rite of passage and a test of character. When you OWN a house, you have to take care of it on your own, tend to it, and someday maybe even pass it on to your descendants. That’s how you build legacies. But a new study from the Gedoff Mylawn Research Center has shown that over 90% of murdered millennials do not currently own any real-estate.
Every parent knows that there’s nothing more frustrating and time-consuming than getting your children to do some work around the house. A chore wheel can help a lot with that. By having everyone spin a wheel to determine their task for the day, you will turn the entire thing into a fun game that the whole family can get into. For maybe a minute. Come on. A chore wheel can’t compete with your kids’ Duty of Battlefield Honor-stein: Origins or whatever. Where’s the challenge? Where’s the risk? Where is the feeling of danger that makes you feel alive?! That’s when the snakes come in.