If science was really so smart, why wasn’t it ever retweeted by Kylie Jenner? But that’s actually just one of many questions that the idiot science cannot answer. I know that because for the past few months, I’ve been pestering my dentist (or a “Science Person,” if you will) with a bunch of complicated questions about life and the universe etc. And you know what I’ve learned? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Especially not the answers to…
– *drops pants* Does this look infected to you?
– When you put ketchup on cereal, is the ketchup then a sauce or is it still a condiment?
– If I asked you to sleep with me, would your answer to that question be the same as the answer to this question?
– Why do my teeth hurt so much when I’ve been eating nothing but toothpaste sandwiches for the past month?
– Is it possible that the red that I see is not the same red that YOU see and do you think this excuse will fly in traffic court?
– Who let the dogs out?
– Do you think I could learn to juggle if I really tried?
– Check it out, I’ll try to juggle these two guns right now. Um, please watch? I dunno.
– Christ, dropped it. Did you get h… oh wow. That is a lot of blood. Are you OK?
– Why are you slowly backing away?
– Who are you calling?
– Why would you call the cops?
– Is there a backdoor around here?
– Fuck. You think you could maybe explain to them that this was all a giant misun…?
– OK, fine, get up, we’re walking out of here together. Oh, almost forgot: OK?
– So do you, hey, stop struggling, so, do you think there is an afterlife or…?
– OK, be honest with me: is this red dot from a sniper rifle or a giant laser-pointer?