Questions That Science Still Cannot Answer

If science was really so smart, why wasn’t it ever retweeted by Kylie Jenner? But that’s actually just one of many questions that the idiot science cannot answer. I know that because for the past few months, I’ve been pestering my dentist (or a “Science Person,” if you will) with a bunch of complicated questions about life and the universe etc. And you know what I’ve learned? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Especially not the answers to…

– *drops pants* Does this look infected to you?

– When you put ketchup on cereal, is the ketchup then a sauce or is it still a condiment?

– If I asked you to sleep with me, would your answer to that question be the same as the answer to this question?

– Why do my teeth hurt so much when I’ve been eating nothing but toothpaste sandwiches for the past month?

– Is it possible that the red that I see is not the same red that YOU see and do you think this excuse will fly in traffic court?

– Who let the dogs out?

– Do you think I could learn to juggle if I really tried?

– Check it out, I’ll try to juggle these two guns right now. Um, please watch? I dunno.

– Christ, dropped it. Did you get h… oh wow. That is a lot of blood. Are you OK?

– Why are you slowly backing away?

– Who are you calling?

– Why would you call the cops?

– Is there a backdoor around here?

– Fuck. You think you could maybe explain to them that this was all a giant misun…?

– OK, fine, get up, we’re walking out of here together. Oh, almost forgot: OK?

– So do you, hey, stop struggling, so, do you think there is an afterlife or…?

– OK, be honest with me: is this red dot from a sniper rifle or a giant laser-pointer?

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