Every year, the Academy Awards honor the prominent members of the film industry who have died the previous year in a segment called “In Memoriam.” However, the 91st edition of the show caught a lot of criticism for once again failing to include actor-comedian Tim Allen on the list, despite the people’s numerous pleas. The Academy apologized profusely but pointed out that they only did it because Mr. Allen is still alive.
The explanation did little to appease film fans around the world, though. Numerous people pointed to the Toy Story star’s annoying personality, his past as a cocaine smuggler, and his subsequent arrest at the Kalamazoo/Battle Creek International Airport where he was caught with nearly 1.5lbs of the illicit drug, with one person saying: “How in all that is holy is he still alive after that? He ratted out all his drug dealer buddies for a lighter sentence! It makes no sense that he hasn’t yet been thrown off a bridge in cement shoes.”
John Bailey, the president of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, who introduced the “In Memoriam” segment, explained that with so many artists taken from us in 2018, it was impossible to honor all of them, but particularly those that haven’t technically died. “It doesn’t matter how much you want it or how much sense it makes,” Bailey said, “all evidence indicates that Tim Allen is still alive. Just last week we caught him going through our garbage to try and find a discarded invite to the show. We sprayed him with a hose but the way he jumped up and ran from the dumpster is evidence enough that he’s still alive and well. Well, alive at least.”
Despite it all, the Academy has been pressured to put on a second “In Memoriam” segment for stars that we merely wish were dead, or to “make sure,” as one Twitter user put it, “that the next Academy Awards show does not disappoint re Allen’s fate, if you know what I mean.” The user was later asked by the police to explain exactly what he meant by that, and had his Twitter account permanently banned.