Ever since its release in 1985, Super Mario Bros. has proven to be one of the most popular and successful games in history. But even after all this time it still has the potential to challenge and surprise us. Local man Jeremy M. proved as much when, last week, he managed to beat the game using only his feet at the controller while his husband of five years kept yelling at him to please find some work so that he could quit his second job.
Jeremy’s journey was long and difficult. He had to completely retrain his feet, develop some flexibility in his toes, and learn how to tune out his husband’s increasingly frustrated reminders that the electric bill is long past due. After a few weeks of training and frustration, he felt he was ready to stream his historic attempt. Tens of thousands of people tuned in to watch him and learn that his husband has a sister whose house he threatened to move to unless he and Jeremy had a serious talk about his unemployment right now.
Then it was go time. “Let’s do this,” Jeremy announced. “At least look at these classified ads I found,” his husband shouted back. Things did not look good for Jeremy in the beginning. Maybe it was the nerves or the knowledge that he was being watched by so many people or his husband’s yells that he can’t carry this household alone, but the ambitious gamer had trouble taking down the first Goomba for the first 2 minutes. It actually looked like his attempt might be over before it fully began but then something changed. It looked like Jeremy has found his center and then he went for it. In the background, his husband was yelling about giving Jeremy the best years of his life or something but it was hard to make out because by then he’d gone to the bedroom to pack his suitcase.
From then on, it was smooth sailing. Jeremy M. was in the zone, dodging enemies, grabbing mushrooms, throwing shells, all with his feet. Not even the underwater levels or his husband shaking him and begging with tears in his eyes to please take their family seriously were able to stop this podiatric virtuoso. And then it was over. He had beaten the game. It was a testament to how much one person can accomplish if they just give it their all. Jeremy finished his stream with the now famous goodbye: “I did it for all of you! You’re the real heroes! Hey, what’s this wedding ring doing on the floor?”