E-Mail Signatures To Make Your Life Seem More Interesting

Whenever someone sees that “Sent from my iPhone” signature at the bottom of your e-mails, they instantly have a total body oil change as they cry, jizz, and crap their pants out of awe and jealousy. It’s the greatest power symbol out there, a reminder to everyone else that you are better than they are, no matter how many times this month you had to raid old mousetraps for food because you spent all your money on an iPhone. But it can all get so repetitive. Sure, “Sent from my iPhone” tells people you’re interesting, witty, charming, and smarter than they are, but it doesn’t give them any details. So maybe consider changing your signature to one of the following:

  • Sent from my iPhone that is roughly the same length as my flaccid penis. 
  • Sent from my iPhone without looking at the keyboard once. Are you as horny as I am?
  • Sent from my iPhone with a cracked screen from that time I wrestled a bear after hiking up Mt. Everest. Yes, there are bears there. Have YOU been there? Thought so. Check and mate.
  • Sent from my iPhone by this hot girl I’m seeing. You wouldn’t know her. She’s a model in Canada.
  • Sent from my Android. LOL, just kidding, it’s an iPhone. All my friends tell me I should do standup.
  • Sent from my iPhone. The “i” stands for “incredible”! Seriously, I’m performing at the Side-Spliterz open mic tomorrow. You should come.
  • Sent from my iPhone that is NOT my only friend. Who even told you that? Bunch of jealous liars.
  • Sent from my iPhone with the MASSIVE stacks of CASH that I make EVERY day. Also: is anyone out there interested in buying blood? Only slightly used.
  • Sent from my iPhonekgkhndjddgg. Sorry, that was the stray cat that I rescued from a kill shelter. The word “hero” is thrown around a lot these days but…
  • Sent from my iPhone to my own e-mail because I like seeing the icon change and pretend I have someone to talk to. NO TEARS GOD DAMMIT. Be strong. You’re an iPhone user!

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