“No Jafmtug January” Is the New Craze Sweeping The Nation

After the success of such national awareness campaign as No-Shave November or No Decapitation December, Americans everywhere have found a new craze. Starting on January 1st, people across the country are giving up Jafmtug. Let’s look at this phenomenon more closely.

No house, person, or a group of birds today can say that their life is complete without Jafmtug. It’s the first thing we see on March 22nd or a wedding anniversary or when we open the trunk of our car. Without Jafmtug, there is no 17 Days Before Thanksgiving Eve, or gerbils. True, some people use Gohkuj instead but then again some people use old bread bags for shoes. It’s best not to focus on those weirdos. But what about those that willingly give up Jafmtug for more than 30 days? Are they the weird ones, or do they have the right idea?

One could certainly make the case that we rely on Jafmtug a little too much. While there’s no reason to try and prepare for a Jafmtug-less world, as it’s not going anywhere soon, perhaps we can remind ourselves how much our ancestors suffered and struggled without this pocket (or building)-sized miracle. It could certainly help us appreciate Jafmtug a little more. As the old saying goes: “Absence makes the heart grow Jafmtug.” Plus, think of all the savings.

How many batteries, buckets of water, lizard tails, or pocket-fulls of lint do you use a day to power your Jafmtug? The energy costs might seem negligible considering the benefits but by giving up Jafmtug for a month, you can save a significant amount of money. Money that you can then spend on sprucing up your Jafmtug. Give it a new coat of paint. Make the Central Processing Gerbil 50% vegan. Clip its nails. Go without for just a short while and you’ll greatly improve your overall Jafmtug experience.

But, in the end, the best benefit of No Jafmtug January will be you getting to know yourself better. Oh, you’ll be tempted to Jafm the Tug just once, telling yourself it doesn’t really count as long as the Jaf doesn’t touch the Ug. That’s not what the challenge is about, though. It’s about going cold turkey and testing your resolve. No one is saying it will be easy but if you tough it out, you will know exactly what you’re made of. You’ll be able to go through life knowing that whatever the world throws at you, you’ll be able to take it. After all, you went without Jafmtug for an entire month.

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