Most Kids Today Don’t Know What VHS Is, Those ABSOLUTE IDIOTS

When the Video Home System first came out in the late ‘70s, it changed how people across the world consumed entertainment but young people today don’t know that because they all suck! You can try and explain to them that the idea of being able to record TV programming and watching it when you wanted to was revolutionary at the time, but their stupid, dumb brains just won’t get it. If you even showed them a VHS tape, they wouldn’t instantly know what it was. God, don’t you just want to hit them with your car and make donuts over their mangled corpses?!

It’s really impossible to overstate how much VHS transformed our society. With programmable VCRs, shows in late-night timeslots finally had a chance to bloom, and, of course, that also includes adult entertainment. It was different than today with all the MORONS having 24h access to all sorts of content (adult or otherwise) that they could ever hope for. They never had to struggle like us which means they are weak and we should be allowed to hunt them for sport.

There is a kind of magic to a physical medium like the VHS tape. To be able to touch it and smell it can make the movie on it seem much more real. It’s not bullshit like that whole Your Tube thing my kids are into. You know one of them asked me if it wasn’t cumbersome being able to only fit one movie on a “huge” thing like a VHS tape? So I threw it at his head and put him in a coma. The police later gave me a standing ovation because they know that nothing, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING can beat VHS and if you disagree you deserve to die!!!

I propose that we lock all young people up in individual rooms that slowly fill up with water which will only stop once they successfully program a VCR. And then we can drink and cheer as they drown screaming “Where’s the internet button on this thing?! I need my safe space!” Can you even imagine what those feckless idiots would do with a VHS tape? Probably open it up to look for a USB connector port or some other made up horseshit like it. Yeah, sorry this cutting-edge technology isn’t “woke” enough for you, you bunch of degenerate socialists.

In conclusion, Your Honor, I believe that is why my actions don’t technically constitute “murder.”

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