With the months growing colder and colder, it’s almost time to put that reliable and versatile accessory back in the game. I’m of course talking about the scarf. It’s amazing what just a few feet of rectangular material can do to completely turn your life around, from giving you a whole new, more-stylish look to drawing attention away from the two massive horns that suddenly sprouted on your head. So if you don’t want to spend the entire winter with a mean nickname like “Horny,” “Goaty,” or “The Bride of Adrammelech the Accursed,” then this guide is totally for you!
Make Your Own Infinity Scarf
Every girl on a budget should know that if you tie the ends of a regular scarf together in a sleek knot, you’ll be able to use it as an infinity scarf! Wrap it around your neck twice, wear it down low, or anchor one loop to the sharp keratinized growths on your head and make your own headscarf that’ll have people saying: “Wow, I bet she never consorted with the god of Sepharvaim in an infanticidal ritual of blood and fire.” Just be careful not to wear it too close to churches unless you want the fire shooting from your horns to torch your new favorite accessory EVER!
Wear The Scarf Like A Tie
With a light scarf and a partially-open jacket or coat, you can fashion yourself a cute faux tie that will naturally draw the eye down your body, away from your head and the two pointy marks of the Great Deceiver. Mix and match different patterns of the scarf and your outerwear to make the outfit pop and distract from the fact your horns make people hear their most shameful secrets in their heads whenever they get near you.
Think Outside The Neck, Honey
Get this: a midsize, silky number of a scarf draped around your waist as a sash! Nowhere does it say that scarves are just for your neck, and this opens up so many possibilities. Will you go purely ornamental, or will this be a utility scarf-sash, one that you can use to hang little things from, like, say, the skull of a baby albino donkey? When you walk into the room sporting that, no one will even notice your hideous horns or how they seem to grow longer every day while you yourself undergo an unholy transformation into the physical vessel of the Chancellor of Hell (bloodstained may his reign be.) All they will be thinking about is how you can rock a scarf.